Past

Our past limits us in our efforts to have everything because we cannot change the past. What happened, happened. What we missed out on, we missed out on. As much as we desire it, we cannot go back and do things differently. However, we can change how we remember the past. We can change the way we define our past. We can define our failures as successes and our losses as gains. It is important that such redefinitions have some close relation to reality. People who remember their parents as being perfect are always likely to have their definition of the perfection of their parents disrupted by evidence of their human fallibility. A determined counting of one's blessings, past and present, brings no comfort when one's internal reality contains resentment, envy, despair and anguish. A valid redefinition of the past is possible only when many other things have changed.

Just Saying

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Life

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Back To Normal

Sometimes yung pag ngiti ng mga Filipino sa problema is also a sign of not taking the problem seriously. Kaya di nagbabago.

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Blank

I'm thinking of what to say...

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Stripped of Power

The end of the impeachment trial of former Chief Justice Renato Corona was considered by others to be the end of a political feud while for others it's just the beginning, but I say we're all just in the middle of this political story to which the end is yet to be seen on the horizon, for every political act gives birth to another act and so it goes on and on until the time the next generation inherits the system we so proudly endures at the same time pollutes. Both sides will agrue the law to be on their side, both will argue to have followed their conscience. But in politics perhaps the only legitimate claim would be following one's interests. The people no matter how powerless we feel remains the sole source of the power that engulfs our government, and we must always remember it is through our weakness that our officials gains their strenght. When the people are weak politicians becomes strong and it's the strong who rules the weak and in the end we deserve the government we elect. The downfall of the former Chief Justice should reminds us that the problems that we share are far greater than the problems that divides us.

Tolerance And Not Hate

Acceptance is probably the greatest challenge we face, from our family, from our friends, from society, from the Church and most especially from ourselves. When we accept who we are, we build the foundation of our existence, we provide joy to what may be a tumultuous life. Self-acceptance provides strenght, belief in ourselves that we are no different from any other individual regardless of sex and sexual preferences. Growing up I knew that I'm not a regular Juan, I'm attracted to the same sex but that never stopped me from being me rather it increases my tolerance to others not just on their sexuality but with them being different in many ways. There are lots of uncertainties in this world and the problem with most people is that they believe they are certain about many things. They claim to know what God thinks and so knowing they become dangerous because for some they would die for it and others would vilify you for it. I do not claim to know what God thinks nor what God's will and so I practice tolerance. I leave to the wisdom of every individual that they know what they're doing in accordance with their faith and their convictions. We claim we should love every human being but hate them when they don't follow. We claim we should be understanding but condemned when there are differences in beliefs. For how do we practice tolerance when there is much hate. None of us in this world even the brightest person has a grasp of God's omnipotence and it is presicely for this fact that we must not pretend to know what is right and what is good for our only basis is our own conscience and every man has his own conscience so let them be the judge of their own actions.

Me and Chewy

Helping Others

Helplessness and pity are among the most painful emotions we can ever feel. To overcome pain, which is a combination of pity for the person suffering and pity for ourselves, we rush to be helpful. This can make us feel better and might even help the object of our concern but we do not ever permit ourselves simply to feel the helplessness and pity that we feel but are forever, 'making better' we damage those who have inspired our sense of responsibility, for we have become the most dangerous person in the world, a person who knows what is best for other people. We want to control everybody and everything. We want to take away from other people their right for self-determination, which includes the right to make mistakes. If we cannot make mistakes we cannot learn. In assuming the responsibility for other which is rightly theirs, we are trying to stop them from changing.

A love That Is Free

There are love that enslave us and there are love that sets us free. We often approach love as some kind of voluntary enslavement where we offer ourselves to be tied down to a person and just belong to them completely forgetting ourselves without realizing that the only love that is true is the love that is free. Free to make mistakes and free to forgive. Free to love someone and free to love someone back. Free to talk about the future without holding on to the past but without sacrificing the present. The only person who is totally free is the person who can express love that is true. He is bound only by his certitude that love brings two people together without limitations. For you can never own somebody no matter how loving or related you are to the person.

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For You

I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be the creator of the person that is in me if you choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble. You alone can see behind my mask. You alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty and loneliness. So please don't pass me by. I know it will not be easy for you. A conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. And the nearer that you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. You see, I am to be fighting against the very thing I need the most.

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34th Birthday

Today I'm celebrating my 34th birthday. I was born on February 12, 1978 at 10:30 in the morning. When I try to figure out what I've been doing for the past 34 years of my life I realized there was no grand design or pattern that I took, there was nothing spectacular. Yes there were many thing I wish I could change, Perhaps I would finish my studies, maybe then life would be different. But what was done is done. I can't undo it and I can't afford to dwell on my past. They say it is never too late to become what you might have been, that is true for the best way to predict one's future is to invent it. And here I am inventing my  future taking command of my own fate, It's not perfect but it's enough. But I have a long way to go, 34 is not really that old, and this time I'll take more chances, I'll take more risk, I'll travel more, I'll work more, I'll party more, I will share more and I'll give more love and take what I deserve. I only live once so might as well enjoy this journey. And whatever wisdom I earned in the process let God help me to use it in the way that I could live my life without hurting someone. And to those people who became part of my life and to those who continue to be a part of it, I say thank you for those 34 years and here's for 34 more.

Day 42

Dear Romeo,

How do I begin to pick up the pieces of an old life when I know in my heart there is no turning back... In a man's life being broken is something that is inevitable and here I am with all the heartaches I had gone through still full of hope because tonight when you said I love you too, all those experiences suddenly made sense to me... that even with all those painful experiences, as hopeful as a person can be happiness will once again fill a persons heart if he remains true to the word love. You asked me why do I love you and my answer were the same. I love you as you are and who you are and not what you have or you don't have. I may have not seen your best and your worst but I'll be here hoping for your success and most specially I will be your strenght when you experience failure. I love you and thank you for saving me in every way that a person can be saved.

Gabriel

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Patience

Lucky are those who found love and love found them. Let them experience what they deserve. And while those of us who wait for our turn whether we are yet to find someone or who like me had found the one to love but yet to experience being loved by the object of my affection, must always remember that patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to always be true to someone while waiting.

posted from Bloggeroid

Another Day

There comes a time in a man's life when he wish he had made things perfect and easy. But I'm not perfect nor have I made things easy for me and those people around me, though I never stop trying. In a couple of weeks I would be turning 34, old enough to say I've been around but too young to absorb the wisdom that comes with age. We have this common belief that as we grow older life becomes familar because we think we can anticipate what's going to happen believing we have the tools to deal with life. We have this belief that we can have everything but we learn early that we cannot always get what we want and that we may solve every problem but we will never get ahead. We may think that because our life becomes a routine where we do the same things over and over again that every day is the same. But it's not, it's a different day, it's a different world. It's the same sun but it's a different sunrise. Your face and body are never the same. The people you love are never the same. Your emotions are never the same. So never ignore those feelings, those events and the people in your life that provides meaning to who you are. So life isn't perfect and I will never be one. And only the day we become is the day we should demand for others to be the same. So I guess we are safe.

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You and I

It all starts with you, and the great bridge that leads to everybody is your bridge. That's the important one. If I grow and grow, I can give you more of me. I learn so I can teach you more. I strive for wisdom so I can encourage your truth. I become more aware and sensitive so that I can better accept your sensitivity and awareness. And I struggle to understand my humanness so that I can better understand you when you reveal to me that you are only human too. And I live in continual wonder of life so that I can allow you too, to celebrate your life. What I do for me, I do for you. And what you do for you, you do for me, so it's never selfish. Everything you have ever learned, you have learned from everyone.

posted from Bloggeroid

Healing A Broken Heart

How do you heal a broken heart? This is a question that was asked to me by a follower on twitter, he must have read my blog and somehow had the courage to asked me privately this question. I never pretended to have the wisdom to answer such question, although I told him I don't have an answer, I still found my self giving him some advise. The truth of the matter is a broken heart cannot be totally healed, once a heart is broken the only thing you can do is to gather all the pieces and patch it up. You may be able to put it back together but the crack remains, and those cracks reminds us of the risk we took on life for loving someone. When your heart gets cracked, that's when the light comes in and hope that the light brings you back out of the darkness of pain. It is common to say that time heals... the only time can do is to make us forget the pain and hoping as time goes by it gets easier. Pain teaches us an important lesson, we need to embrace it but we don't cling to it. It's okey to cry it out but we don't let it linger. So take as much time to heal, allow yourself to focus on different things, perhaps to different people, you have your family, friends, if needed, go out and meet someone else, what's important is to never allow yourself to be alone with pain. The less you spend time thinking of it the easier it gets to recover. But don't use hate, don't be bitter. Bitterness is when you use hate to get over someone. But hate destroys who you are and not the feeling you want to get over with. And don't let pain stops you from risking again or to betray your idealism. At the end of the day only you would know how to deal with it.

Random Thoughts

There is so much to give, but some people just won't take it. And there's so much to take, but some won't give it.

Intimacy

One thing that destroys intimacy is the lack of change. We're afraid of change. Intimacy needs change. It's changing, and everything in it is in a state of change, and you can't expect others to remain the same, they're going to change too. Intimacy cannot be expected. You can have no expectations in interaction with another. No one can always be or do what you would wish of them. Everything comes to you as a surprise, and if you think about it, every downer that you have is because someone didn't meet your expectations. Think about it! Every time you're down it's because someone didn't call or text you or didn't remember your birthday. If they remember it, you dance around the table. If they call, you do back flips and if they text, you do the split! And if they don't, it should be alright too. It mainly requires that you be spontaneous in your approach to relationships. See what happens. Laugh yourself silly over what bothers other people. Predictability is a bore, if you want to be fascinating be unpredictable. The only thing you can count on as far as I'm concerned is my unpredictability. You can never count on what I'm going to do or say. I change constantly. Show what you feel in a relationship. If you feel like crying, cry your eyes out. When you feel like laughing, laugh your eyes out. Scream when you want to scream. And don't wait to communicate your feelings. I think one of the greatest destructive element in relationships is our inability to relate what we're feeling now. I always tell my friends, never have short arguments. The trouble with arguments is that they are usually over before they solve anything. The longer you argue the more you're going to get to the feelings, and so when they start walking out of the room, chase them! Say, "Wait! I don't understand, keep talking!" Eventually you're going to find out what you're arguing about is pretty damn silly. If we need each other, we need each other now. Relationships are disintegrating, separations are growing and those relationships are casual and mostly meaningless. Intimacy is not simple. It's the greatest challenge to our maturity. It's our greatest hope.

posted from Bloggeroid

Making Choices

This is our choice. We can go on as we always have, not thinking clearly, relying on our hope that somehow, by some magical means, it will all come right in the end. Or we can take what we have and recycle or rearrange it with careful, clear thought and create, out of what we have already got, all that we want. We can, as we have always done, hand responsibility for ourselves over to other people and institutions, and hope that they will look after us, or we can accept responsibility for ourselves. The first choice does not give us security, much less what we want. The second choice is full of uncertainty, but when we take responsibility for ourselves, knowing ourselves and one another, we can work out what matters most to us, and order our priorities. We accept what we can never return to the original bliss, but more important, we can leave this world having enjoyed much of what we wanted. What matter that the relationship we had in the past were unsatisfactory and painful? Now we shall enjoy friendship and love. What matter that we missed out on so much? Now we shall make the most of our time. The only regret we can now afford ourselves is that those who came before us wasted their opportunities.

posted from Bloggeroid

For You

If only I could forget
The day we once met,
That day I said I like you
That night I said I love you.

When we said our goodbyes
There were tears in my eyes,
Now those tears are fading away
But the memories will always stay.

I know one day you will just be a memory
Even with temporary happiness I remain wary,
For behind this smile I sill have fears
Looking at you brings back the pain and tears.

Gabriel

posted from Bloggeroid

Different Kind of Intelligence

In every generation there are some people who do possess a different kind of intelligence. They believe that it is of prime importance that we strive to understand ourselves and other people. They see people as people, not as objects to be organized, used and abused, but as a person to be treated with respect and dignity. They see individuals as having the right to know and to express their own personal truth. They try to enlarge the ways in which each of us can increase our understanding, and explore and develop our talents and become all the person that we might be. In different times and places, these people have expressed their intelligence. In the centuries when the Church claimed domination over all, such people insisted on the right of each individual to find and express his or her own religious truth. When the State, in the guise of emperors, kings and dictators or those who claim to know what is best for everyone, assumed total power, these people insisted on the right of each individual to freedom and self-discrimination. In this times such people have protested against war, against the destruction of the resources of the planet, against genocide, torture, starvation, poverty, homelessness,and against the cruelty inflicted on individuals by governments, institutions, and those who lack intelligence about people.

Expectations

To be human is to suffer. We enter this world expecting that we can have everything, but we learn early in life that we can't always get what we want.

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A Smile Behind the Tears

I got a glimpse of possible temporary happiness.

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I Felt Loved

I felt loved. Some by people I knew and some by those who remain part stranger. It may not be by those whom we want to love us. But what matters is we've been loved and it's enough to make my world go round.

posted from Bloggeroid

The People We Love

We must never assume that we know the people we love better than they know themselves, or that, even when we believe that our wisdom is superior to theirs, we have the right to manipulate them to do what we want them to do. This means that we have to keep to ourselves our anxieties when we see the mistakes they make, and we refrain from making them feel guilty just so we can keep them near us and enjoy their company. We love them because they are who they are. And we always wish them well on their future, even when that future does not include us.

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Thoughts of You

Maybe I wasn't the only one who is hurting. Maybe somewhere out there another person is hurting out of loneliness if not more of how I'm feeling right now. The problem with loneliness is you feel so alone. You try to cling on the past and on the pain because somehow it keeps you alive. I'm trying not to think of you but you keep on entering my mind. Before when you enter my mind I can only think of happy thoughts and yet those same thoughts right now are the ones causing the tears on my eyes...

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My Love for You

I am waiting to have that secret love
Which is under lock and key
The locks and chains are bound with ice
But the ice hasn't frozen me.

Without love a person die
And I do not wish to expire
So I'll remember the secret and forget the pain
Forget the pain but the love remain.

Gabriel

posted from Bloggeroid

Writing

Writing has always been my therapy... I write when I'm happy, and I write when I'm lonely. And now I'm writing as a broken man. But whatever feelings or emotions I'm having or I'll be having I will continue writing because it's the only thing I got, it keeps me from going insane. And for you my readers you would probably notice how transparent I can be and vulnerable I can be but it's the price I pay for being involve in life.

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The Beholder

Whenever we act we hope that the result of our action will be good, at least for the people we value or for ourselves. If we hold to the view that our actions have one result only, we can fail to see that a result can be both good or bad. But what is good or bad? What is right and wrong? Do they exist in reality or, like beauty, is only in the eye of the beholder. 

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Fear of Uncertainty

My fear is not the uncertainty but the reality. What is uncertain can't be grasped yet but what is real is true it is there I may not see it now but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm giving you myself so please don't be unfair... I know you may find yourself not ready but be careful with someone else's feeling for I have emotions too.

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Dear Romeo

Dear Romeo,

What is love if not to love at all
With all the emotions in my heart installed
All that matters and the love I feel
Suddenly my dream becomes real.

In to the highest mountains
In to the deepest sea
Like water in the fountain
That's how my love will be.

I can't give you the moon even the stars
The planet Venus as well as Mars
But one thing I know I can surely give
A part of me that wants to live.

Gabriel

Perhaps Love

There's always been hesitation on my part to define what love is. For love is limitless. I was once been asked "why do you love me or why do you like me?" The answer would sometimes be... Because you're beautiful or because you're gentle and kind. So what happens then when the person we love gets old and his beauty fades or loss the gentleness and somehow became less kind. Do we abandon them, do we fall out of love. When I love someone I get to love the person as a person. Beauty fades, demeanor change but the person remains and so the love must remain as well. That is true love. Never expecting, never assuming, never selfish. Perhaps love is the process of me leading you back to yourself. For the only way you can love back is if you love yourself first. A person who loves needs to be whole and not just a totality of pieces. He needs to overcome his own fear of getting hurt and sharing himself with someone. Then he becomes free, then he can love.

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Pork Broccoli

Cooked Pork Broccoli for Dinner

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Being Gay

The choice we have is not whether to be gay or straight. For the majority of gay people, we are who God made us to be. The real choice is between denial and embracing who we are. The real choice is between living life in the shadows or walking proudly in the light. The real choice is between a slow death and an honest life.

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Accepting Responsibility

Some people can deny that they are responsible and not be called to account, and others are censured by society. But censured or not, those people who try to get everything by denying that they are responsible for what they do in the end fail to get everything, for other people turn against them. Such selfishness provides short-term gains but long term problems.

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Understanding Ourselves

We cannot love ourselves if we do not understand ourselves, and if we do not understand ourselves, we cannot understand others. Our understanding of ourselves is our own truth, our only certainty and solidity in a world of uncertainty. Only from this certainty and solidity can we try to venture into the uncertainties of another person's world of meaning.

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Assuming

We assume that other people create the same meanings as we do, and that when we act, other people will interpret what we do in the same way as we do.

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A Prayer

Dear God,

I was never really a great son to you, I tried to be as good as I can but we humans has this tendency to fall out of way sometimes. I had a good parent, she taught me well to be God fearing and to always look up to you and always pray... I tried following her as often as I could. I know that all prayers are answered but I'm wise enough to realize that some of them the answer is no. Only you know why. I am not mad or angry... I made many mistakes but You were always there for me. I may not be Your favorite son but I felt loved. I felt special because I knew those dark moments of my life You were that light that shines on my path and I thank You for that, for not abandoning me when at times I seem to think I am all alone in this world. Thank You for all the blessings, for my family and friends... And for most of all this day... And when the time comes that I breathe my last breath I know You will be there for me welcoming me home.


Gabriel

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Untitled

The voice inside my head is so loud and yet you can't hear it...

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Fact

I was never the guy that you will fall in love at first sight.

posted from Bloggeroid

Love, Pain, and Happiness

Someday you will realize that the person you loved when you were 20 may not be the person you love today. That the person you think you will love for the rest of your life may not be there anymore when you get old or that somehow your promise to love someone forever didn't last a lifetime. Relationships most often than not, doesn't last, whether you have been together for 2 months, 2 years or 2 decades nothing lasts forever. Even death comes and you find yourself alone. But relationships are essential. To say that because we view it as temporary doesn't mean we should avoid it. Because the greatest feeling a person can experience is to find himself inlove to someone whose passion for love is an equal measure to his own. So take your chance with love, do not be afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone. Take the risk and nevermind pain because the greatest pain you can ever experivence is to having not taken the risk when you had your time. Avoiding pain doesn't make a person happy, it only makes him empty, no feeling, no emotion. So let yourself fall in love and let love fall into you.

posted from Bloggeroid

Love

A love was lost and a love was found. But not with the same person. For sometimes we need to experience pain so we can be happy again.

posted from Bloggeroid

Change

Don't ever believe that you are going to be peaceful, life is not like that. When you are changing all the time, you've got to continue to keep adjusting to change, which means you are going to be constantly facing new obstacles. That's the joy of living. And once you are involve in the process of becoming, there is no stopping. And what a fantastic journey. Every day is new, every flower is new every face is new and every morning in your life.

posted from Bloggeroid

Message in the bottle

I found this letter on my email I made more than six years ago for someone. Thought of sharing it to you guys.


Dear Miguel,

You were right about one thing when you said before that our love was blind. But blindness is not the cause of love but the effect of being inlove. I was blinded by my love for you for I never saw what was, I only saw what I wanted to see. At first it was okey but it was not. I didn't regret when I took the risk of loving you but I don't think I would have survived without loving you. With you I had learned how to love again and I know you did love me too and I'll be forever gratefull for that love even if it didn't last forever. But I'm a survivor and I know I will love again. I just thought that maybe if I gave my best this time it would last but I was mistaken. I could not turn back time if I could I would had done the same. Right now I'm broken hearted and the little experiences had taught me that no one really owns anybody. When we lose someone we love we realize that nothing really belongs to us. I don't own you for love is about giving someone the freedom to do whatever he wants even if it means being happy with someone else. Freedom only exist when love is present. A person who is totally free is the person who can be totally inlove. Take care of yourself and when you find the guy you think is the right one for you never let him go. I love you...

Gabriel

November 2005

posted from Bloggeroid

To DM

I keep a secret close to my heart, I probably won't speak it yet but I knew from the start.

posted from Bloggeroid

Trust

Trust is hard to give to someone, when we ourselves know what we are capable of doing if given the freedom to do anything.

posted from Bloggeroid

Waiting

I read somewhere that the problem about love is that you expect to be loved in return. While the essense of love itself is to give it without asking for the other person to love you back, we always find ourselves in a position of fearing for rejection. At least romantically speaking. For how painful it is to fall for someone without that someone falling for you. In a world where everything seems to move so fast waiting for a person to feel the same way could be overwhelming. Every moment and every minute counts. Waiting in vain whether he would love you too. Is it worth the wait. Yes, if you truly love the person. You will wait until you realize that it hurts less to let go than to keep waiting. So I will wait for you until you get tired of me because right now the idea of losing you is unbearable than those few sad moments of thinking if we're meant to be together even for just that piece of forever...

posted from Bloggeroid