There are love that enslave us and there are love that sets us free. We often approach love as some kind of voluntary enslavement where we offer ourselves to be tied down to a person and just belong to them completely forgetting ourselves without realizing that the only love that is true is the love that is free. Free to make mistakes and free to forgive. Free to love someone and free to love someone back. Free to talk about the future without holding on to the past but without sacrificing the present. The only person who is totally free is the person who can express love that is true. He is bound only by his certitude that love brings two people together without limitations. For you can never own somebody no matter how loving or related you are to the person.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be the creator of the person that is in me if you choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble. You alone can see behind my mask. You alone can release me from my shadow world of panic and uncertainty and loneliness. So please don't pass me by. I know it will not be easy for you. A conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. And the nearer that you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. You see, I am to be fighting against the very thing I need the most.
Today I'm celebrating my 34th birthday. I was born on February 12, 1978 at 10:30 in the morning. When I try to figure out what I've been doing for the past 34 years of my life I realized there was no grand design or pattern that I took, there was nothing spectacular. Yes there were many thing I wish I could change, Perhaps I would finish my studies, maybe then life would be different. But what was done is done. I can't undo it and I can't afford to dwell on my past. They say it is never too late to become what you might have been, that is true for the best way to predict one's future is to invent it. And here I am inventing my future taking command of my own fate, It's not perfect but it's enough. But I have a long way to go, 34 is not really that old, and this time I'll take more chances, I'll take more risk, I'll travel more, I'll work more, I'll party more, I will share more and I'll give more love and take what I deserve. I only live once so might as well enjoy this journey. And whatever wisdom I earned in the process let God help me to use it in the way that I could live my life without hurting someone. And to those people who became part of my life and to those who continue to be a part of it, I say thank you for those 34 years and here's for 34 more.
How do I begin to pick up the pieces of an old life when I know in my heart there is no turning back... In a man's life being broken is something that is inevitable and here I am with all the heartaches I had gone through still full of hope because tonight when you said I love you too, all those experiences suddenly made sense to me... that even with all those painful experiences, as hopeful as a person can be happiness will once again fill a persons heart if he remains true to the word love. You asked me why do I love you and my answer were the same. I love you as you are and who you are and not what you have or you don't have. I may have not seen your best and your worst but I'll be here hoping for your success and most specially I will be your strenght when you experience failure. I love you and thank you for saving me in every way that a person can be saved.
Lucky are those who found love and love found them. Let them experience what they deserve. And while those of us who wait for our turn whether we are yet to find someone or who like me had found the one to love but yet to experience being loved by the object of my affection, must always remember that patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to always be true to someone while waiting.
There comes a time in a man's life when he wish he had made things perfect and easy. But I'm not perfect nor have I made things easy for me and those people around me, though I never stop trying. In a couple of weeks I would be turning 34, old enough to say I've been around but too young to absorb the wisdom that comes with age. We have this common belief that as we grow older life becomes familar because we think we can anticipate what's going to happen believing we have the tools to deal with life. We have this belief that we can have everything but we learn early that we cannot always get what we want and that we may solve every problem but we will never get ahead. We may think that because our life becomes a routine where we do the same things over and over again that every day is the same. But it's not, it's a different day, it's a different world. It's the same sun but it's a different sunrise. Your face and body are never the same. The people you love are never the same. Your emotions are never the same. So never ignore those feelings, those events and the people in your life that provides meaning to who you are. So life isn't perfect and I will never be one. And only the day we become is the day we should demand for others to be the same. So I guess we are safe.
It all starts with you, and the great bridge that leads to everybody is your bridge. That's the important one. If I grow and grow, I can give you more of me. I learn so I can teach you more. I strive for wisdom so I can encourage your truth. I become more aware and sensitive so that I can better accept your sensitivity and awareness. And I struggle to understand my humanness so that I can better understand you when you reveal to me that you are only human too. And I live in continual wonder of life so that I can allow you too, to celebrate your life. What I do for me, I do for you. And what you do for you, you do for me, so it's never selfish. Everything you have ever learned, you have learned from everyone.
How do you heal a broken heart? This is a question that was asked to me by a follower on twitter, he must have read my blog and somehow had the courage to asked me privately this question. I never pretended to have the wisdom to answer such question, although I told him I don't have an answer, I still found my self giving him some advise. The truth of the matter is a broken heart cannot be totally healed, once a heart is broken the only thing you can do is to gather all the pieces and patch it up. You may be able to put it back together but the crack remains, and those cracks reminds us of the risk we took on life for loving someone. When your heart gets cracked, that's when the light comes in and hope that the light brings you back out of the darkness of pain. It is common to say that time heals... the only time can do is to make us forget the pain and hoping as time goes by it gets easier. Pain teaches us an important lesson, we need to embrace it but we don't cling to it. It's okey to cry it out but we don't let it linger. So take as much time to heal, allow yourself to focus on different things, perhaps to different people, you have your family, friends, if needed, go out and meet someone else, what's important is to never allow yourself to be alone with pain. The less you spend time thinking of it the easier it gets to recover. But don't use hate, don't be bitter. Bitterness is when you use
hate to get over someone. But hate destroys who you are and not the
feeling you want to get over with. And don't let pain stops you from risking again or to betray your idealism. At the end of the day only you would know how to deal with it.
One thing that destroys intimacy is the lack of change. We're afraid of change. Intimacy needs change. It's changing, and everything in it is in a state of change, and you can't expect others to remain the same, they're going to change too. Intimacy cannot be expected. You can have no expectations in interaction with another. No one can always be or do what you would wish of them. Everything comes to you as a surprise, and if you think about it, every downer that you have is because someone didn't meet your expectations. Think about it! Every time you're down it's because someone didn't call or text you or didn't remember your birthday. If they remember it, you dance around the table. If they call, you do back flips and if they text, you do the split! And if they don't, it should be alright too. It mainly requires that you be spontaneous in your approach to relationships. See what happens. Laugh yourself silly over what bothers other people. Predictability is a bore, if you want to be fascinating be unpredictable. The only thing you can count on as far as I'm concerned is my unpredictability. You can never count on what I'm going to do or say. I change constantly. Show what you feel in a relationship. If you feel like crying, cry your eyes out. When you feel like laughing, laugh your eyes out. Scream when you want to scream. And don't wait to communicate your feelings. I think one of the greatest destructive element in relationships is our inability to relate what we're feeling now. I always tell my friends, never have short arguments. The trouble with arguments is that they are usually over before they solve anything. The longer you argue the more you're going to get to the feelings, and so when they start walking out of the room, chase them! Say, "Wait! I don't understand, keep talking!" Eventually you're going to find out what you're arguing about is pretty damn silly. If we need each other, we need each other now. Relationships are disintegrating, separations are growing and those relationships are casual and mostly meaningless. Intimacy is not simple. It's the greatest challenge to our maturity. It's our greatest hope.
