Valuable and Lovable

     We keep ourselves locked in this conflict over whether or not we are good, and we hang on to the fantasy of perfect parents because we have not questioned our assumption that 'My sense of self-worth is something other people give me'. When we change our assumption to 'My sense of self-worth is something I give myself', we see that other people's good evaluation of us is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself, that the conflict over whether or nor we are good is irrelevant, and that the fantasy of perfect parents is one that we have outgrown.
      Those of us who had ordinary people as parents can, if we think about it, gain our freedom from the fantasy of perfect parents because we can construct a realistic belief along the lines of my parents tried to do the best they could. Through their own lack of understanding and through the necessities of their lives they cause me pain. This pain made me believe that I was not valuable and lovable, but now I know that this belief is incorrect. I was, as I am now and shall always be, valuable and lovable.
     Those of us who had as parents people who were cruel and indifferent to us have more difficult task in gaining freedom from the fantasy of perfect parents, for we have to see that whom we are born to is just a matter of chance. Some of us are very unlucky. That is annoying, but still no reason to believe that because we are unlucky we are unlucky in everything else. The realistic belief we need to construct is along the lines of, 'No matter who my parents were or what they did, I was, as I am now and shall always be valuable and lovable.